Allyship is an important avenue of showing genuine solidarity with the queer community. As we navigate the uncertain times in the world, we need allies we can trust and feel safe with. But boundaries are also essential for our protection, and sometimes the lines of what is appropriate between queer and heterosexual friend groups are blurred.
YouTubers Rykky, Nijhea, and Kees Crawford’s latest predicament is a prime example of a nuanced, blurred friendship.
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Crawford recently released a video detailing how his friend group, comprised of Black women, is homophobic. In the video, he touched on the questionable homophobic trend, “Who are going to be the men?” and how his friends added fuel to the fire by insinuating a clean-cut man was gay despite having a girlfriend. When he allegedly confronted them about it, he stated they laughed, and one of them said the man “looked like an f-slur,” so it had to be true.
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Supporters immediately recognized the unnamed friends as YouTubers Rykky and Nijhea, since they had recently created content together. Rykky has since addressed the situation by accepting accountability and said they allegedly apologized to Kees, but he ghosted them before bringing the problem to the Internet. Distraught, she also mentioned how blindsided she felt because, allegedly, Kees had given them the “pass” to say it, despite how uncomfortable they were with it and how rarely they used it. It was news to them that he had an issue, and it was a set boundary between them.
Regardless of the semantics, a slur is a slur. No one in the queer community can offer a “pass,” as it’s a detriment to us as a whole. Slurs targeted toward queer people have strong historical contexts that we’re still healing from and actively sorting through to protect the next generation of queer children.
Accountability is necessary for all parties—Kees shouldn’t have given the pass, and the girls shouldn’t have used the slur. Unfortunately, a four-year friendship is dismantling because of this, but the lesson here for the queer community is to be mindful about what you allow and to stay strict in your principles.
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