The LGBTQ+ community is filled to the brim with diverse identities, including nicher labels within broader umbrella terms. That includes “febfem,” a label used by some bisexual women — but after the term went viral over the weekend, folks across the internet are pointing out why identifying as febfem might do more harm than good.
The discourse began when TikTok user @megafruityballs posted a video lamenting their confusion around labeling their sexuality. “When I say I’m unlabeled but I really wanna say I’m a lesbian but I’m still attracted to guys but I don’t want to date a guy or end up marrying one but [I don’t care about] a label but I feel awkward [without] one,” reads the text on their viral post.
Several commenters suggested that @megafruityballs consider the label “febfem,” which stands for “female exclusive bisexual female.” It’s a term sometimes used by bi women who are only interested in being with other women, despite also being attracted to men.
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At first glance, the label may seem innocent — but when the febfem discourse made its way to X, several users pointed out their own qualms with the term.
A chief complaint was how “febfem” can perpetuate bi erasure. Many people read using a term in place of “bisexual” as a sign of shame over one’s bisexual identity, implying there’s something wrong with calling yourself bi, regardless of the gender of your partner. “so yall found a new label to avoid calling yourselves bisexuals,” pointed out one viral post.
“bi women not wanting to date men are still bisexuals and knowing that is very important,” that same user added in a reply. “stop spreading [misinformation] of what being bisexual means.” Several others echoed that sentiment across social media, pointing out that “bisexual is not a dirty word.”
bi women not wanting to date men are still bisexuals and knowing that is very important, to stop spreading missinformation of what being bisexual means, I suffered a lot because of this stereotypes because it kept me away of embracing my bisexuality, it made me genuenly miserable
— Nana ☆ (@thatn_ana) December 20, 2024
This is a direct result of all the hate bisexual women and ppl in general get let’s be so honest abt that
— ☃️finnocenceミ☆❄️ (@a1asia333) December 21, 2024
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“How can I be bisexual and then I’m gonna not date somebody else who’s bisexual?” Doechii asked. “Why, because he’s a man? Who cares?”
Others pointed out that the bio-essentialist nature of the term — chiefly, referring to women as “females” — is a dog whistle for its origins in the queer TERF community, which can use the term as an excuse to exclude trans women from its dating pool.
Febfem isn’t a new term, and it’s not going to fall out of usage any time soon. But the discourse reminds us that though everyone is entitled to identify with whatever labels suit them best, terms like “febfem” can have implications far beyond individual usage.
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