When podcaster Dana Joy Seigelstein turned to the gays of TikTok with a question about wedding party dynamics, she was hit with a wave of brutal honesty.
“Are gay guys jealous of the token gay who gets to go on the bachelorette trip?” she asked. “Because if you’ve noticed, when girls go on a bachelorette trip and they invite any gay guy, it’s one. Only one of you gets chosen.”
“Do they battle it out like they’re on Survivor? Are they jealous?” she mused. “I just need to know. Like, did you sleep your way to the bachelorette party? How did you get chosen?”
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But the gays of TikTok were quick to shut Seigelstein’s theories down. What she imagined is a privilege is actually their worst nightmare, as they explained in the comments.
“We literally pray it’s not us,” one commenter shared. “We’re spending months doing the psychological seeding to get someone else picked ‘Omg poor Andrew, he’s never left the country 👀.’”
“I came here to say this,” echoed another. “WE battle it out so we DON’T go.”
What’s so bad about going on a bachelorette trip? Well, if you’re the only man, some commenters shared, it can feel less like a party and more like a job, complete with labor both emotional and physical.
“The obligation,” lamented one commenter. “We KNOW there is only one, and it ends up being our job to be DD, rodeo clown, and know where we parked.”
“We have to be the one to do extra work FROM TELLING THE FUNNY STORIES [TO] CARRYING AN EXTRA LUGGAGE AND MORE,” added another.
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After a few bizarre hookups, a TikTok user had to turn to the sapphic internet for advice.
“You never needed permission. Just let yourself happen,” she said to her past self, bridging the gap across four years of transitioning.
Others compared being invited to a bachelorette trip to societal obligations ranging from mundane to murderous.
“It’s an honor similar to jury duty,” one user wrote.
“Babe we love the girls, but we feel like we dodged the draft when that happens,” agreed another.
“It feels more like getting chosen for the hunger games 🏹,” commented a third.
Of course, gay men aren’t a monolith. There are plenty of guys who are game to be part of a bachelorette adventure — brides just need to know their friends well enough to tell the difference. Take one commenter’s theory as an example: “I think there’s 2 types of gays: gays with only girlfriends, and gays with only gay friends,” he wrote.. “I’ve been to 8 bachelorettes. There’s no other gay in the group that is jealous of me.”
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