In April of 2021, Bree Christianson came out to herself as trans. Four years later, she spoke to her former self in a moving video that proves the power of transition.
Christianson (aka @laser.breems on Instagram) posted a video of her current self talking to her four-years-ago self, just days after realizing she was trans. Throughout the video, she addressed her younger self’s questions and insecurities, speaking not just to herself, but to all trans people early in their transitions.
“This is really hard. The past three days have been horrible,” said the past Christianson.
“This gets easier every day. The past four years have made me want to live again,” responded present Christianson.
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From there, she gently shut down all of her past self-deprecating logic, including her 2021 self saying, “Maybe it’s just in my head. Maybe I’m just sexually repressed. Maybe I’m overthinking and I’m bored.” As modern Christianson confirmed, the answer was none of the above.
“Stop being embarrassed. This is the realest and bravest you’ve ever been,” she said. “And I’m so proud of you! I literally owe my existence to you. I’m here because of you.”
“I hate that I can’t be who I want to be, because I’m not allowed to,” her past self said as a collage of Christianson’s happy life over the past four years appeared.
“You can be, babe,” she replied. “You never needed permission. Just let yourself happen.”
Christianson’s video quickly went viral when reposted to TikTok, where commenters gushed over her beautiful journey. “The best part of every transition timeline I see is the light returning to someone’s eyes,” one commenter wrote.
“How could anyone hate this?” wondered another.
In her original Instagram post, Christianson explained why she’d taken the first video, and how she hopes her past self’s words can speak to other trans folks’ experiences.
“Four years ago I started the journey of becoming who I have always wanted to be,” she wrote. “I didn’t know what I was doing back then, so I decided to start journaling. My hope was that in giving voice to my thoughts and hearing myself say things out loud, I would gain perspective on what I was wanting and feeling. I had no idea just how much perspective these journal entries would provide me all these years later.”
“The records I have of him/me are now finite, and I will never understand that person quite like I did,” Christianson continued. “Knowing what I know now about myself and the world gives me an ability to process my feelings and experiences that he didn’t have. But it’s his truthful and heartfelt naivety that will connect with others that are just as new at this as he was.”
“I could never understand why I could not escape the desire to be a woman. I berated myself endlessly for wanting something so shameful. I had no way of knowing that this longing wasn’t a fantasy; it was a part of my soul. It wasn’t a secret— It was me,” she added.
“I don’t regret taking as long as I did to come out. It taught me to be strong, and it taught me to stand up with pride,” she concluded. “I will always be proud of that boy for how brave he was.”
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