With so many gay guys complaining about being single, there’s one obvious question: Why don’t they all just date each other? That’s the debate raging on a gay subreddit, where one post has gay men pointing out the factors that keep us alone.
It’s true that queer men are disproportionately single. In a 2022 survey by Pew Research Center, 62% of gay and bisexual men in the U.S. reported being single, compared to 28% of straight people and 30% of all American adults. So, what gives? The gay guys of Reddit have a few running theories.
“Many gay men cannot find a match,” reads the post’s top reply. “Unless they live in a big city, there are few choices. If they do live in a big city people tend to be more choosy and seek out the hottest looking person, so many ‘regular’ guys go unnoticed.”
But it’s not only about location, that user continued: “Many grew up stigmatized and developed anxiety or feelings of being inadequate from how society and religion views them, so they remained closeted for a long time feeling socially insecure about dating. Various reasons for all but in the end many just give up and resign themselves to living alone.”
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“His ‘only conclusion’ could be that he was ‘temporarily turned gay due to the attitude,’” explained a weary girlfriend in a viral post.
Another user offered their top 10 reasons that gay men stay single:
- Societal expectations
- Mental health
- A “grass is always greener” mentality (“Why settle on one guy if you can find lots of others? Why stay in your safe, committed relationship even if it has problems, if you can be single and not be criticized or ridiculed or anything?”)
- Sexual compatibility
- Reluctance to come out
- Fear of commitment
- Love of independence
- Hopeless romanticism
- Preferring friends with benefits “They just want a low pressure sex life and get what they want when they want it.”
- Wanting to move slowly
Others pointed out that some men may claim to hate being single, but they don’t actually want a relationship, either. “Even though they may say they want a partner, their actions indicate otherwise,” as one user put it.
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Secretly recording two guys kissing in public? Yeah, not gay at all.
Then there are those who are perfectly content being single, and might make those survey numbers look more depressing than they really are. “I’m single because I’m happy this way,” one commenter wrote. “Someone needs to add to my life, my peace, my happiness to have a place next to my side. And I feel I should do the same for someone. I don’t have a need to not be single.”
Whatever the reason, there’s still hope for the single gays out there that really are sick of being single. There’s omeone out there for everyone — even if the dating scene is a nightmare.
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