The New School’s Nonbinary Mascot Totally Stole My Look

To be transmasculine is to have an extremely limited sense of fashion options. Should you go with the traditional flannel and baggy pants to make sure everyone sees that you’re masc, or should you opt for a flirty, neon look that is all but guaranteed to get you misgendered at the bank? It’s an ancient problem!  

I recently found a way to bypass this important community issue recently by leaning into what I call “Where’s Waldo Chic.” It’s basically just a lot of jackets and glasses and dressing like it’s eternally Autumn in your mind.

Of course, no sooner do I land on this brilliant compromise than a fellow nonbinary icon very publically adopts it for themselves. In a heartwarming back-to-school tweet, The New School introduced Gnarls Narwhal, who uses they/them pronouns. Gnarls is a loveable nonbinary icon and “social justice advocate” who hangs out around campus and totally just stole my look. It’s as if Gnarls the Narwhal telepathically understood that my style is equally inspired by Waldo and interview icon Nardwuar, whose name sounds a lot like Narwhal and I’m absolutely not going to read anything into that right now. The important thing is that this nonbinary icon stole my look, and I’m upset. 

New Year, New GNARLS! ✨

Get to know our mascot, Gnarls Narwhal (they/them), a social justice advocate and the first and only sea mammal to earn a BA/BFA dual degree from The New School! They can’t wait to see you on campus this fall: https://t.co/ZWt6o2IoCB pic.twitter.com/XRa7iAR1rc

— The New School (@TheNewSchool) August 23, 2021

New Gawker even reported that Gnarls tried to get into my old alma mater NYU, with no success. Typical! I smell a doppelganger. 

New York City certainly isn’t big enough for the both of us, which is actually fine because I don’t live there anymore, it’s literally hell on earth. 

Rock on, Gnarls. If you ever decide to start doing impromptu Narwhal-Nardwuar interviews on the street, I will watch that shit so fast.