If you live in the 21st century, you’re probably aware by now that queer people can marry, buy homes, and have babies just like any straight couple. But regrettably we seem to have a few stragglers in our midst, people who aren’t convinced that lesbian couples can and in fact often do have children. These people still have the same old questions we’ve been fielding since time immemorial about the mechanics of it all.
But from this day foreward, when someone ignorant asks you how queer people can have children, there’s a perfect answer ready and waiting to go, courtesy of one helpful TikToker.
User @sfmcguire told followers the other day that she sometimes finds herself in the position of having to explain how her sister and her sister’s wife have kids. “How’d that even happen,” confused straight people ask her. “They’re both girls!”
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But much like the explanation for how gay babies are born, this TikToker’s extremely scientific take is quickly going viral for its sheer accuracy.
The first step, she explains, is that you need to have either Caleb Hearon’s “So True” podcast or “The Bald and the Beautiful” playing in the background. “Then you hold hands really tight, look into each others’ eyes, and recite every single word from Born This Way.”
Sounds about right so far!
After that, you have to watch Drag Race All Stars Season 7 (all winners) and “viciously argue about which queen is the best (but you’re both wrong, it’s Raja),” before “light[ing] a candle that has Sappho’s face on it,” and if you’re visited by the ghosts of Tegan and Sara you will be blessed with the seed of new life.
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Needless to say, everything about this is 1000% true and accurate, and we’re so glad that the truth is finally out there. No more gatekeeping!
Commenters agreed that this was the accepted standard for lesbian baby-making. “I was told they just connect two pony braids together like avatar,” one commenter pointed out. “So there’s more than one way.”
That’s true: in fact there are many ways to bring a baby into the world as a lesbian couple. Many women have reported instances of immaculate conception at Janelle Monaé concerts, and it’s said that if you’re visited by the living ghost of Melissa Etheridge at night while playing “Fast Car” in the background, you could be blessed with octuplets.
“What happens if you recite the words to all the things she said instead?” one commenter asked.
I mean, we’ll just have to find out, won’t we!
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