In this week’s Dearly Beloved, the advice column from author Michael Arceneaux, our dear reader shares his recent heartbreak upon the realization that his new boo – whom he helped find temporary work in his time of need – has been playing with others. He finds out in the most extreme way imaginable and wants help figuring out his next steps.
If you want Michael’s advice, just email him at [email protected] with your question. Just be sure to include SPECIFICS, and don’t forget to start your letter with Dearly Beloved!
It’s a thing.
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Hi, I need some advice. I met a guy and thought he was the one. We started chatting and slowly grew to friendship. We decided to go on a date, talked about everything, and then we decided to take it slow and work on a relationship.
A few days later, he called me to tell me he lost his job. I did everything I could to help and found him a temporary job at my workplace. This morning, I received 46 explicit videos detailing how he and six guys had chem sex all night long.
I am broken. What should I do?
Let me start off by saying I am sorry that you found out this person was not who you thought he was in the worst way imaginable. I’m not entirely sure why you would be sent 46 videos. You know, one or 14 seem like more than enough to prove a point, but different strokes (no pun, no Janet).
As for what to do, well, it’s not a riddle, beloved: dump him because fuck him.
I’m no human resources administrator, but I get the feeling his presumed substance abuse issues may have caused him to lose his job. You don’t need to be with folks who will play around with employment in Trump’s America. It should go without saying that you needn’t be around a man who would have 46 videos of him having chem sex with people. No shade to the voyeurs out there, but c’mon nah.
Now, you can go about this two ways. If you’re up for it, you should confront him if for no other reason than to highlight his betrayal and how it makes you feel. However, you don’t necessarily have to talk to him to have closure. Do whatever you think you can handle emotionally, but steer clear from this person. He needs help and you can’t save him. To that end, you can encourage him to get help but afterward, stay far, far away.
Allow yourself time to feel whatever you need to feel to get over it, but move on. What you did for him was kind, generous, and considerate, and I hope that his behavior doesn’t make you regret wanting to extend a helping hand to any other person who comes into your life. That said, while it’s great to be helpful, if you’re going to vouch for someone where you work, vet them a wee bit more. It shouldn’t reflect badly on you.
You may feel broken now, but it’ll pass in time. Now, hurry up and get rid of this man so you can block him by the end of this sentence.