Do you have a boyfriend? Yes? Well, fuck you! Also, I have an amazing couple’s costume recommendation in case you’re still trying to figure out what you wanna to be for Halloween.
I was scrolling through a bunch of Halloween costume websites so I could screenshot things and tweet about them, as single people are wont to do with their boundless amounts of free time, when I came across the following on yandy dot com.
It’s Patty and Selma Bouvier, Marge’s gravely voiced, chain-smoking, Homer-hating twin sisters on The Simpsons.
Here’s what I was thinking: You? You buy the Patty one. Your man? He can grab Selma. That way, you’ll be dressed up as twins. Because the cartoon characters are twins? Get it? Remember? And you two are boyfriends? Soyou’re boyfriendstwins?
So like, when you hit up a Halloween party this weekend and someone asks you what you’re dressed as, you can tell them that “WE’RE BOYFRIEND TWINS.” Yeah? And then I’ll turn to an empty cobweb-covered rocking chair and say “I love you” and the rocking chair will squeak out a creaky but curt “I’m taken.”
Or you could just go as the guys from Call Me by Your Name, or as I like to call it “wearing men’s clothes.” Just please, be gentle as you stomp all over mine own heart.