Commando Queens

The gays are asking: what random activities do you like to do naked?

Let’s be honest: wearing clothes sucks. It’s awful, and this isn’t just my body dysmorphia talking. Even the most comfortable clothes can’t hold a candle to the pure bliss of freeballing it around the house.

And if you think I’m insane for this take, think again. The good people of r/gaybros are totally on my side—well, perhaps with some caveats. When a user recently posed the question, “what non-sexual activity do you like to do naked?” there were no end of intriguing responses. From cooking to cleaning to playing video games, there are quite a few gays out there who love to do everything in the buff. Call us the opposite of Tobias Fünke—we just love being unconfined.

Starting off strong, we had some folks talking about the joys of being bare. “If I have the house to myself,” one poster explained, “I’m bare most of the time, lol.”

“I do it all tbh,” wrote another, “every chore in the summer, gaming, cooking (although I’ll throw a short apron on maybe), organizing, reading, you name it lol.”

“Dancing on some gay sh*t at 3am,” said another. Relatable. We even got a full-on short story in one evocative response. “I 24M (22 at the time) lived in a trailer on a property my grandfather owns until I moved in with my now husband,” wrote this poster. “There was no better activity than to have a drink and smoke a cigarette at like 2AM on the back porch of that trailer. I don’t know or care if anyone around saw me. The hot and humid air on my nude body standing in the darkness of night just drags off a Marlboro Black Menthol 100 and sipping on a glass of gin or bourbon until I was down to the filter and the ice cubes rattled at the bottom of my glass.”

Other favorites included swimming, gardening, sunbathing, and sleeping, natch.

“Love playing video games naked or do laundry,” another user wrote. “Have to at least wear underwear when working out or things will flop around lol.”

Flopping around is definitely a no-no—but as some posters were quick to point out, there are other dangers associated with going full-on commando. “Dude when it’s warm I’m not wearing clothes in my house, except for cooking…” one poster noted, “wieners and hot oil don’t mix.”

Truer words have never been spoken: but there’s even a solution for this unique problem (because, as another poster wrote, “bacon splatter is a real threat.”) “Just get a c*ck apron,” someone helpfully commented. Excellent advice: we’ll be researching c*ck aprons for the next 40 minutes, thank you very much!

Basically, the verdict is that as long as you’re happy and not forcing any non-consenting bystanders to take in the full flower of your nakedness, go for it! Commando queens, our time is now.

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