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Dearly Beloved, Am I Wrong For Ducking My Ex Like A Student Loan Payment?

In this week’s Dearly Beloved, the advice column from author Michael Arceneaux, a reader can’t shake an ex. Unfortunately, it’s not in that way that recalls any of the lovey-dovey tracks on Sweetener. Sadly, this sounds a bit more, uh, concerning. Some people don’t know how to let go, which places the onus on the other person to develop a solution.

If you want Michael’s advice, just email him at [email protected] with your question. Just be sure to include SPECIFICS, and don’t forget to start your letter with Dearly Beloved!

It’s a thing.

Dearly Beloved,

I broke up with my ex-boyfriend recently, and a few weeks ago, he kept pestering me to give him another chance. I told him I only see him as a friend because I don’t have any feelings left for him anymore. He still refuses to accept it. It just seems that he is too persistent in wanting the relationship back.

I am guilty too for rushing too fast into the relationship. Eventually, I lost all my feelings for him. It felt like I didn’t really know him well enough at all, and furthermore, he is not the type I’m looking for. For now I’m blocking his number because I know he will call me and eventually disrupt my daily activities. I already told him that I will message him only when I’m ready to meet him as a friend because he is too persistent.

And recently he turned very violent which makes me worry when I think about that day I met him. He grabbed my hand tightly and refused to let go. I know he loves me, but I just can’t deal with it anymore. I really need your advice right now. He calls me a coward for not meeting him, but I don’t think I am because I have the right to not want to meet with him. Do you really think I am one for not doing so? Please, I desperately need some advice now.

Yours sincerely,

D

 

Dear D,

I’m going to be honest and say I’m a bit concerned – particularly because you claim he became aggressive with you one day. His behavior is troubling in and of itself, but when you add that additional layer to it, it sounds like it could get even more frightening. You don’t want to be around this person, so I believe it’s about time you make that abundantly clear.

I advise that you block him from every method of communication imaginable. Don’t just block his number. In fact, block him at all the following: YouTubeLand, TwitterLand, InstagramLand, Snapchat, Grindr, Scruff, BGC, Jack’d, Facebook, Periscope, and last but not least…every single one of my bitches. And yes, go ahead and block him on ChristianMingle and the lands all across the land. (Don’t forget Whatsapp either.)

You are not a “coward” for making a decision and sticking to it. Having said that, it’s quite telling that he chose to dole out a bit of emotional abuse after being rejected. I can see why you dumped him.

Personally, I wouldn’t have even given him the slightest bit of hope that the two of you can have any type of relationship. To that end, you should not have said that you will message him only when you’re ready “to meet him as a friend.”

This is a person you had a romantic relationship with that you are no longer interested in maintaining a relationship with. This is a person who cannot accept that, and thus is presently harassing you. This is a person who also has behaved in ways that you yourself have described as “violent.”

Listen, he’s not one of your lil’ friends. How could he be when he acts this way? If you allow him in your space again, even if you consider it platonic, chances are he will not. You do not need to leave the door open — not even the slightest bit. He needs to let you go. You need to stay far, far away.

Signed,

Beloved!


Michael Arceneaux

Michael Arceneaux writes the “Dearly Beloved” advice column at INTO. He is the New York Times bestselling author of the newly released I Can't Date Jesus from 37 Ink/Atria Books/Simon & Schuster. His work has appeared in the New York Times, the Washington Post, Rolling Stone, Essence, The Guardian, Mic, and more. Follow him on Twitter.